I am so sorry weeks have gone by since writing. I know what has happened to the time. As usual it is a combination of factors.
But before I explain further, how are YOU doing? How are your loved ones? Are they able to remain healthy? How is your emotional health?
In my wildest dreams I never thought we would be here, in this place, with daily record breaking rates of Covid. I am frustrated. I am angry. I am disappointed. I am heartbroken. And I am still very scared. How about you?
The past month or so has been a whirlwind to say the least. My oldest has needed a lot more 1:1 time when it comes to virtual schooling which has become a juggling act with both kids. It appears that when one of my kids is having a great week with virtual the other one is fighting me on a daily basis and then then they trade places as if at a swap meet. I have become great at the art of negotiation as well as teaching two kids who are at different grade levels simultaneously. There have been times of laughter and “lightbulb moments” and there have been moments of having to walk away or dolling out consequences to not getting school work done. Either way we got thru the first trimester without bloodshed. Tears yes, but no blood.
Celebrations appear to be a weekly thing in our home with multiple birthdays with a fourth one only weeks away in addition to major holidays. Thankfully both of my kids felt their birthdays this year were the best ever despite celebrating differently. I have also been immersed in a big project for church. I am the chairperson for my church’s Christmas Families which really begins in early October. With the needs so high we have taken on 42 children this year. As with anything else there is a lot of work behind the scenes that occurs but it is always so worth it. I love any reason to celebrate even with paying for it physically.
Another reason I have not been able to write nearly as much is in the past two months I have had a lot of GI symptoms. Within two weeks I had established a weekly cycle of nauseous/throwing up undigested food, severe pain in the lower left abdomen, relief. While an ultrasound of the abdomen only showed a cyst on my kidney, my GI doctor determined that I have had a flair up of IBS as well as gastroparesis which is common with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and dysautonomia. In addition to other changes and two new medications I am able to manage my symptoms and be able to be more functional again. Yeah, none of this has been any fun. Even the weight I lost was not worth the pain.
As with any new symptom or a flair up it derails a person. It becomes consuming in every way: physically, emotionally and mentally. Over the years I have people say to me things like “You need to stop thinking about it.” Tell me dear readers, does this ever work? In fact latest research shows that pretending the pain is not there is ineffective. Instead, acknowledgement and validation will go a long way in helping oneself and others with pain.
When I was in a cycle of feeling nauseous or in pain I would do what I had to do to get thru the school day. Then I would be on the couch or in bed. I found I was sleeping a lot more again perhaps because of feeling like crap or perhaps it was part of either diagnosis. Of course I had help in caring for the kids when I was less than functional for which I am always grateful.
I would love to think that I will be able to get back to my weekly writing but I imagine that is too high of an expectation right now. So I will promise this, I will write when I can.
In the meantime I pray that you and your loved ones are safe, healthy and finding peace, joy and even fun in every day.